I
have been pondering for some time now, how much easier it is to move a mountain
than to change a person's paradigm! So much more courage and bravery is
required to change your paradigm.
Sometimes it feels like straight foolishness to change your
perceptions and the way you think. It is like, why don’t I just join the
occult! It feels like stupid, blind faith, because people just cannot face the
facts! I know what I know! And what I know, is opposite of what you think you
know!
This can be where heroes are born!
There takes a certain amount of compartmentalizing your emotions
while at the same time throwing the doors of your heart wide open. Its very
paradoxical and unstable, this transition. You HAVE to put down and control some
emotions and thoughts, while at the same time being more vulnerable, open, and
malleable than ever. It takes great courage and wisdom to know when to control
you by compartmentalizing, and when to throw the doors of your heart wide open.
I know this from experience. I walked this treacherous path in
many different ways over the last few years. I have faced the blackest parts of
me and seen the truth. The blackest parts of how I deal with my finances and
emotions, which for me go hand in hand sometimes. I have to focus on the
pitch-blackness of my faith in God. My core and foundation was shaken, cracked
open like a walnut, and then repaired.
In order to face this, I had to compartmentalize how I felt about my
pitch-blackness. I could not let the anger and the grief over take me. The
anger and the grief felt like my truth. The betrayal was my truth. Then, I
could not let the absurdity of other’s truths overwhelm me.
For some people it is complete idiocy to know God as a betrayer
and for others is complete idiocy to know God as Good. For some people it’s hard to watch God
making their mistakes to prosper when the truth is they should be
punished. How do we help people
make that leap, when they don’t want to make the leap? How do we help people
who think moving a mountain is easier than changing their mind? How do get our
one ray of light in to their darkness when we sound like complete lunatics?
I must admit my mother was a lunatic! And that Pastor Bill
Johnson and all his staff, they were lunatics as well! Do not be angry with me! It was my
truth! I still like them. I
just thought they were really fooled!
After Dad died, all this business about God being good was just
nuts to me! Absurdity! Foolishness! How could my mother, who just lost her husband,
and possibly the ministry we gave our lives too, and friends, how could she
still think God is good? She was delusional!
Then, Pastor Bill and all his staff saying God is good, even
though they have experienced such losses like I had. Saying things like
sometimes we just have to trust His goodness. Well, why would I trust the very
God who just let my father die?
I do not believe God afflicted my Dad. Cancer is straight
from the pits of hell. But if God is so big, mighty, and just, then heal my
Dad! If anyone deserves it, Dad and Mom do.
Guess what! It did not happen. Dad died!
How do you help a person past that, who cannot know and
understand your paradigm? How do you introduce a new paradigm to people who do
not want what you have? How do you carry your one candle into their
pitch-blackness?
I know the secret! Because my lunatic mother, my lunatic
Pastor Bill and his lunatic staff, my lunatic husband, and my lunatic friends
showed me the secret.
As I said before, this is where heroes can be born. They had
courage beyond compare. They went across my open, gaping, chasm, and they
brought candles one by one until my pitch-blackness was no longer dark anymore,
but filled with the light of glowing candles.
They showed me what I would not, could not allow God to show
me. THEY LOVED ME ANYWAYS!! They loved me with an unconditional love that
surpassed my darkness. They were constant sources of frustration with their
goodness business, but never once did they judge me or condemn me for not
believing the way they did. They did not force their belief on me or shove it
down my throat. They just lived and loved and accepted me. They stood with me,
when I could not let God be near me.
The key to changing the paradigm is two fold. One the person
changing MUST have courage beyond all courage. And two, that person MUST have
an onslaught of unconditional love and acceptance feeding their courage. I am
not saying have no boundaries or limits! Boundaries are a whole other message
though. Talk to Chip Judd about those!
Some people have courage to jump right into the pool when
it’s just opened up in the spring. Some people just have courage to ease down
in the pool via the steps taking at least an hour to wet their head. And some
people don’t even have courage to put on their bathing suit and come. But
love them. Love them where they are. Bring them no condemnation or judgment
when disagreeing. My mother loved me even when I thought her God was a
betrayer. She didn’t force her belief that He is good on to me. And slowly but
surely, through her actions in her unconditional love, she reminded me of my
Father’s house. She and many others on staff at Bethel Church reminded me why I
thought He was good. They brought me to that precipice and they jumped with me!
And now, my God is no longer my betrayer.
I will admit it took time. Almost 18 months. I felt like
such a loser for pursuing the opposite of my truth. But now I believe. Now I
know. Every once in while a feeling or a thought says I am a lunatic now! But then something small happens to
give me a Jesus Loves Me moment, and I know that small thing could have been no
one else but my Father in heaven. My mother is no longer a lunatic.
